If you follow me on Instagram I am sure you know that my cat Hamzah passed away on Monday. I’ve been a complete mess. I feel like my brain is full of fog and I just don’t know how to deal with it. I’ve always been good with words and it has always helped me heal, so I thought I’d write a final goodbye to my boby. I also thought I’d include something I think is amazing for everyone else who lost a pet. I will share that information at the end of this blog post.
About four or so years ago, Hamzah and his brother Amr went to get spayed. Thereafter I noticed him loosing weight and not being himself. He wasn’t getting better so I took him to the vet and they diagnosed him with lukemia. The vet said he had the sniffles as well, which is why he was weak and sickly. They wanted to put him to sleep but I said absolutely not. I knew in my heart he still had a long life ahead of him. We got his medicine and took him home. Over the next few days I made sure he took his medication daily. Slowly but surely he got better. He was back to his old self in the coming days, playing and giving us lots of love! I knew I made the right decision by not having him put down. He was such an angel boy with such zest for life. He loved being outside in the grass, as you can tell by these pictures of him.
I went through some pretty tough things these past few years. I also went through two surgeries and went through depression afterwards. Hamzah was the one who would sit by my door every day, just to make sure I was okay. He was the one who made me smile when I felt numb inside. He was the one who made me feel okay again. He would climb on my bed and look at me with such love and worry. I would talk to him about my day and he would just sit contently and listen. He was the most caring, most compassionate cat I’ve ever owned. Whenever anyone was feeling down, Hamzah would go to them and give them a cuddle or just sit with them. He was like a therapy cat. He was the one who helped me through my depression. I was in such a dark place and felt so hopeless. His soft nature and continuous love made me feel something again. Whenever I picked him up for hugs or cuddles he would put his paw on my cheek. Always. Without fail. It was our thing. It filled my heart with joy. He truly was a gift from Allah. Allah knew I needed him and I am so grateful for all the years of love and memories my Hamzah gave me and my family. He was a part of us and we all love him so very dearly. He made us feel complete. These past few days without him has been extremely hard. I stayed in bed majority of this week, because I literally felt sick after loosing him. It took a toll on me for sure, both physically and mentally. I couldn’t believe I would never hold him again. But then I remember my promise to him. He was with me on last Sunday laying next to me in my bed. I was up with him all of Sunday evening making sure he was comfortable. I wrapped him in a blanket and held him. I told him it was okay to let go. I told him he didn’t have to hold on for me – that I would be okay without him. That I would make sure everyone else was okay too. I told him he could let go, I understand he is tired. Of course I couldn’t hold back my tears. But he reached out with both his paws and put them on my heart. He kept them on my heart and just looked up at me for a while. It was a silent conversation we had. A silent conversation my heart understood. He then fell asleep in my arms next to me. I hold onto those moments whenever I feel overwhelmed. I know he wants me to be okay. I promised him I would be. It will just take me some time. He held on as long as he could, for me. I named him Hamzah, which means strong/brave and he truly was. When he took his last breath I was with him and told him “I am here my baby. I am not going anywhere” and he seemed content. When he stopped breathing – even though my heart broke – I felt a sense of relief. Relief because I knew he wasn’t in any kind of pain anymore. Relief because I know he is in heaven, playing with other kitties.
Hamzah, my sweet sweet boy, I know you cannot read this or even hear this but I want to write this to you anyway. I want to thank you. I want to thank you for all of the joy and happiness you brought all of us. You completed our family and you gave us so much love. When I was in a dark place you were my ray of light. My hope. My happiness. You brought Mommy so much joy. You loved me even on my bad days. Even on the days I isolated myself from the world. Even on the days when I was so depressed I didn’t get out of bed. You brought me through a very, very dark time in my life. Whenever you put your paw on my cheek my heart just melted with adoration. You made me smile so often and so much. I love you with my entire heart. You were so much more than just a cat. You are – and will always be – a part of my heart. Rest now, my boy. You fought long and hard and I am so glad I got to love you until the very end. You will never be forgotten and I will always treasure our memories. Even though it feels like someone took away a piece of my heart, I will try my very best to move forward. I know it’s what you would want. So I will do it for you, my sweet boy. Don’t worry about us, I will make sure everyone is okay. I will keep my promise to you. Goodbye, my boy. Don’t worry about any of us. I will keep my promise. Rest sweetly, my angel. You will always, always be loved.
For those of you who has lost a pet, my sincerest condolences. The pain of loosing them is awful, because they are a part of your heart. They are so much more than just pets to us. I came across a post by an amazing person named John. He offers free digitally hand painted portraits of your deceased pet. He does it 100% free but if you can donate he gladly accepts it. You can check out his website here. All you do is fill out the form and upload your chosen picture of your pet. When he has completed it he will email it to you. I think it’s a great thing that he is doing and I would like to thank him for painting my precious Hamzah. Below is the image I sent him and the digital hand painting he did. Thank you, John, for your selfless acts of kindness to everyone who mourns the loss of their beloved pets. Your work is beautiful and I am sure it has brought joy to many, me included. You guys can check out some of John’s work here.
Thank you to everyone who sent me condolence messages via WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram. I truly appreciate it.